Winemaking is a Business, too.

So you want to make your own wine? Everybody’s doing it. Look, that hip instagrammer over there has their own wine, why can’t I?

Well, you can. More and more young ambitious wine enthusiasts are breaking in their own pair of Blundstones, sourcing a ton or two of grapes and creating their own brand. Voila! But is it that simple?

There has been an increase in new wines and brands popping up as more and more people decide to try their hand. Technology and the increase in availability of custom crush facilities has made starting out more accessible for the small winemaker. The allure of striking out on your own and the romantic notion of the world of wine is a potent combination.

What is not so obvious is that making wine is a business. And while the process of making it and creating a brand might fuel one’s creative needs, the other 85% of it all is sales. Not quite so glamorous, right?

The idea of the starving artist is like a pile of misery, wrapped up in this pretty packaging that creatives are supposed to want. While the reality of living it just sucks. Regardless of how minimally you may choose to live, there needs to be a way to support your life and your work. And the stress of not having that means can sometimes be motivating, but is often damaging to the long term creative process. So the reality is: If you are going to make art, whatever form it takes, you are going to need to figure out how to sell it. Rare are the people who can afford to have a passion project that may or may not have a return.

A small business is generally a long term investment. You start out with initial capitol and credit, often going in to a planned amount of debt with an estimate on a rate of return. Often, a lot the money that goes into the business is your own sweat equity. Which means that you may put in a lot of hours, and a lot of your own money in addition to whatever you calculated as the business’s capitol, and not take a paycheck for a long time. When you do take that paycheck, it may not be comparable to what your income might have been if you were working the same position for someone else. Many businesses take at least 5-10 years before they can see black on the books. Some longer. Some never quite reach past the red, or are always flirting with it. Many fail. It’s an investment into a risk, not unlike a stock or a gamble.

In wine, this is true and may even get more complicated. While in a retail business, the stock you buy and where it comes from and what you can charge for it may stay steady from year to year- in wine, you cannot control the weather. Even if you are buying grapes rather than growing them yourself, the cost of goods from year to year may vary based on major events in the growing season or during harvest.

Cabernet Sauvignon Grapes close to harvest in Oak Knoll, California

The demand of the consumer is one you have to anticipate 18 months or even several years ahead. But you only have one shot every year to make wine. So if the consumer demand has shifted one summer from the year before and suddenly less people want to buy the kind of wine that you chose to make, you can’t make a quick turn around on making a product that will satisfy the consumer. You have a wine that you have to figure out how to sell despite consumer demand.

If the opposite happens and suddenly what you have is popular, you can’t suddenly come up with more wine. What you have is what you have. It’s one shot.

One solution to this is to make the kind of product that you are going to care about. Make something that you are passionate enough about that selling it is a little easier. Care a little less about what’s popular. But there is a balance here. You still have to sell it somehow.

It’s a long game. Especially financially. There are expenses that go out of the business for the process of making wine. What the grapes cost, use of custom crush facilities, barrels, labels, labor, lab testing, glassware, tanks, etc. Then, don’t forget the cost of travel for sales trips and events. Once the product begins to sell, there is still a lag time for when the income will hit the bank. All of those upfront costs have to be taken care of somehow. And it isn’t from the money that is about to come in. It’s from the previous year, or more loans, or investments, etc. Not to mention that a business owner still needs to take care of their own personal bills. Theoretically, you still have to pay rent and buy groceries, and all of the other things you would be doing if some other guy was giving you a regular pay check. So in March, when you’re on the road, footing the bill for flights and hotel rooms on a sales route, and you haven’t yet seen any return on the wine you made last fall- and definitely paid for already, you have to have planned ahead from last year for the income you are going to need now. It’s not a paycheck to paycheck kind of business.


Racking wines over at Scholium Project. Fairfield, California

All of this isn’t to say that if you want to make your own wine that you shouldn’t give it a go. That’s not it. Making wine can be a lot of fun and can create a lot of joy. And the community that makes wine can be truly fantastic people to be around. Just don’t forget that it’s a business. A business where the fun stuff maybe takes up 30% of your time and then all of the mechanics that you need to do to make that fun happen take up the other 70%. So you have to really want it.

A lot of the small wineries that have been popping up in the last couple of years probably wont last that long. And not because they aren’t successful. There are likely going to be some wine makers who learn that they want to spend more time in the vineyard or in the cellar at someone else’s winery. Where they can make a more comfortable living, rather than continuing to grind it out on their own.

While it may look beautiful and glamorous to build a wine business, it is good to know that there a lot of moments along the way that aren’t so instagrammable. It can get dirty and gross, and tiring, and it can be hard to find the labor you need, or you can run into staff drama. It’s just like any other job in some ways. It can also be incredible and rewarding and just plain fun- if you love it. I don’t want to discourage anyone from giving their dream a try. I’ve certainly had the pleasure of imbibing many winemaker’s dreams. So tasty.

One of the things to consider then, is if having your own business in wine is going to be 100% of your focus, or if it is going to be something you might do as a passion project on the side. Are you going to work part time for another winemaker? Would that mean on missing out on other opportunities within that winery? Is making one ton of grapes at a time for a harvest going to be a fun thing for you and your friends? Are you going to expect to make a living from going out on your own? None of these is a right or wrong answer. You get to decide what’s right for you. And- you get to change your mind if it doesn’t work out.

So now, ask yourself, do you still want it? Would it be worth it to try and not have it work out the way you wanted? If the answer is still yes, I hope you make something that brings you joy, and that you can have fun throughout the whole process. And also, I will be happy to taste test it for you.

Bakers and Baguettes

“Bakers and their Baguettes. In Paris, small artisan bake shops rarely produce baguettes because people place a ceiling on how much they will pay for one baguette, meaning most are made in larger production bakeries. The conversation we should be having is how to adjust our value of this craft that takes mostly labor, time, and deep care. Bakers transform grain into a nutritional digestible food. The world as we know it would be much different without them.” – From Karen Man

“We need to rethink the way we value what we put in our bodies.”

Karen Man is an incredible person who happens to make beautiful bread, among other wonderful things. We have had many conversations about the value of food and the labor and unseen costs behind it. Bread is one of the commodities that we take for granted. I hope we can begin the kind of work that may change that perspective. Please support your local bakery. Karen is currently baking in Lima, Peru. But you can also find her here: bread.blog/

Photo Credit: Karen Man at San Francisco Baking Institute. March, 2019

Grounded

There’s been this blank -in my life

A time I needed to heal -and to survive

For a while I feared I couldn’t yet move past

The quiet pain that kept me locked inside

 

I told myself I would stay on solid ground

There was no one -to be found

Who could reach -me here

But with you  – I Fall

From a building much too tall

I’m scared of what will happen when I land

If you’ll be there – if you’ll take my hand

If we’ll be as we were before this leap

If we’ll learn to grow together

If this love will even keep

 

Somehow I remember how to fly

Put my heart back together

Be brave, dare to be alive

 

I told myself I’d stay on solid ground

There was no one to be found- who could meet me here

Still- with you- I fall

From a building much too tall

And the sky is clear

 

 

I kept the gummy bears

Are there stale gummy bears where you go?

Made Pink and Gold with Dom Perignon

And filled with memories and ghosts of love long gone

 

Are there bubbles of champagne

Made of late nights

And filled with laughter and bad white boy dance moves

Unpaid tabs and Spanish better left unsaid

 

Is there the moon where you go

Not the everywhere moon,

But that Moon that feels like cold nights

a world locked in darkness, blanketed in

snow and ice

The moon that looks in on you as you snuggle in bed,

wide awake when you should be sleeping

Because there is someone who wants to talk to you from far away, keeping you awake

 

Are there bars with Hitachino on tap

Made with dirty poker tables and an awkward DJ booth

Filled with the sound of skateboard wheels on a

cramped wooden ramp, the ATM in the hall,

the smell of sweat and bad choices, punk rock

memories and too much -ness. #Brooklyn

 

Are there perfect days

Warm days

Walking all over

Being together

“Market Research”

We called it

And us

 

Is there an us where you’re going?

Is there this history we’ve made

The memories and the metaphorical house we’ve built

That makes our relationship real

It’s ups and downs and fights and

Everytime we came out stronger in the end

 

When you leave me holding this bag of things

Made of us

Do I throw it away too?

 

 

Hello, Old Friend.

I called to wish you Happy Birthday
I called to say Merry Christmas
I called because it’s Wednesday
I called just to say hey, catch me up
Honestly, I just called to hear your voice
Somehow, after everything we’ve been through,
Despite the miles between us,
And the new love in your life,
And that thing that came and went in mine,
Somehow, I hear you on the other end of the line,
And something settles inside of me
Something that feels a lot like home.
As I travel around the world
See the Northern Lights, the far horizons, the distant shores
Feel the wild rush of the new
You tell me I’m running
It’s not so untrue
What if I’m not running away but towards something
I haven’t found it yet
Maybe I never will
I can’t know unless I try
Maybe I’ll never settle
Still leaping off of rooftops trying to fly
I call because I love you
You let me be- completely myself
I miss you on the other end of this line
I wish you’d answer this time.

Happy Birthday, Old Man

where were you when the world turned grey

when the quiet opened up our senses

to something new

where was your heart in that moment

when the air around us became full

the motes of dust had immense weight

the light soft

the sounds dimmed by the presence of infinity

were you honest

were you kind

did you let her in, let her love you

despite the fear that you might die

 

What are you reading lately?

 

I wanted share the current pile of books that I have been regularly turning to and carting around with me while I attempt to write.   To the point that I often have two or three snuck in to my computer/work bag, and quite a bit more stacked in a box in my car.  I often feel like I’m taking myself to school.  A little bit every day.

I have a box in addition to this that I may read while at home, but these are the books that I have been carting around with me this month.

 

 

“So, what do you do?”

Do you remember when you were a kid, and people would ask questions like “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Do you remember your answers?

Mine changed a lot.  I was fascinated by so many things; wanted to be an expert in everything. How could I choose? Well I tried, but I couldn’t. And it was frustrating.  I had an idea of Who I wanted to be, but what I would do while I became that person was harder to define.

When I fell into cooking, for a long time answering the “what do you do?” question became easier.  12240918_10153718991662290_1527157875621227499_oI’m a cook.  I’m a cook at a Michelin starred restaurant.  I’m a pastry cook. I am a baker. I am a Pastry Chef.  I am a Sous Chef.  I am a stagiere at a world renowned restaurant. Etc.   There were easy “whats”.  For a long time there were even easy, “What’s Next?”s.  Here is the path.  Push yourself, learn all of the prep, work every station. Learn more.  Move up the ladder until you’ve learned everything you can and you are either in charge or ready to move on to something more challenging. Often a more prestigious position or restaurant.

“It started to matter less to me that my resume look a certain way, and more that I was doing something that I cared about”

A few years ago that path started to become a little bit less clear.   I had reached a place where many of my moves started to feel linear.  I was still learning, trying new things, trying to improve however I could.  But what I wanted to learn was harder to define.   I’d been working more management jobs that started to change my perspective about what makes a better Chef, a better teacher.   And the “why” I wanted to take one job or another started to become harder to answer.  It started to matter less to me that my resume look a certain way, and more that I was doing something that I cared about.

Many of my colleagues when they reached a place similar to mine would begin a path towards opening their own business.  I wasn’t sure that this path was where I needed to be.  I wasn’t sure that the timing was right.   Or that what I had to say as a cook was unique enough that it deserved it’s own home.   I was sure that what I was doing wasn’t working anymore.

A couple of years, a lot of life experiences, a lot of learning, and a few crazy risky wacko moves later- and I’m in a slightly different place.   My “what do you do ” is a lot less easy to answer.   The “why I do it” has taken over the top spot in my life.  And I’ve decided to try something new. To take my knowledge and experiences and try to help other people, other restaurants. The what of that basically involves “going freelance”. So now, “I’m a consultant” or “I’m a chef without a restaurant.”  And many other not quite easily defined roles.  Sometimes lately I’ve answered the “What do you do question” with a self deprecating joke-“Well, nothing, nowhere”.   Which isn’t actually true at all, it’s just easier to say.   The “Why” I’ve decided to step off the pre-laid out path and go off on my own has both a complex amount of reasoning and a more simple soundbite. I’ve had to compact it over time.  Make the explanation quick to convey when asked.

“I want restaurants to be a better place for people to work.”  

I want to help figure out how to improve the hospitality industry in a way that focuses on not just the sustainability of the products we use and create, but also on our human resources, and the footprint on the community that builds up around us.

What I do while I work towards achieving this goal may end up being a lot of things. “Blogger”, “Private Chef”, “Consultant”, “Student”, “Writer”, “Photographer”,  as well as whatever thing I come up with to help pay the bills.    It wont be so easy to define who I am by what I do anymore.  Which can be hard to take, hard to say.

It’s tempting to return to a more easily defined place. A more secure place.  I try to keep reminding myself that my “Why am I doing this?” is more important to me now than ever.   The “what” will follow.

Today I will be brainstorming ways to break up the work that I want to do into smaller steps so that they are less intimidating.  I often feel dumb and frustrated while trying to work out how I am going to achieve my goals.  But I think, if I keep chipping away at it, some part of this process will improve.

 

More on Motivation

On November 7th of 2015, I got on a my first transatlantic flight.  I flew to Oslo, Norway. From there I would spend the next six months of my life meeting amazing people, exploring new places, expanding my world view, and learning quite a lot about- myself. But this isn’t that story. This is me thinking a bit about something that I learned in hindsight, looking back at all of the things that got me on that plane.

Eid 2015.jpg

Eid, Norway | December, 2015

In the months leading up to my departure, I knew that I should be making plans, saving. But I’m a habitual procrastinator, and I often just let life- well, happen.    And it did. Quite hectically for a time.   Really it was a bit of a mess.    For our purposes, the most important thing was that I bought a plane ticket anyways. Because I made this crazy plan and I was going to follow through with it no matter what.   Even though life events made saving more difficult than I’d planned. Even though I wasn’t exactly sure yet where I’d stay or how long I’d be gone.  There was no job waiting for me when I’d come back.  I had a place to stay and a place to work for the first month and a half.  And then I had place to work and a possible place to stay for the third month.  Everything else was still up in the air.  Even how I would get to place to place.  Overshadowed by uncertainty- or maybe freed by it; I took a leap of faith. Bumbled my way through the Visa process (I know a lot more about that now).  A few friends helped me put my shit in storage, I spent a couple days trying to get the rest of my stuff in some semblance of order, and with an immense outpouring of love and care from the friends that have become my New York family, I left.

What I am trying to remind myself of now- what I learned from this experience; is that it isn’t necessarily having all of your ducks in a row, or being the best planner, or having your life be in whatever kind of place you might think it needs to be in order for you to succeed.  It’s the motivation to just do the thing you want to do that’s more important than all of these things.   I’m not saying don’t plan.   Please don’t take this as an invitation to be as crazy as me. What I’m saying is that my motivation to get on that plane and to go abroad and follow through with this plan was more important to me than all of the obstacles in my way. Including the obstacles that I put there myself.   I made it happen.  With a little (okay a lot) of help from friends and family.  But it was my motivation that got me there.

“I have to remind myself over and over again that I am the one that will make my goals a reality.  It’s not always easy to remember.”

So now let me explain why I’m back reminiscing on this particular life lesson. Recently I moved to California.  I decided that I had a small business to start and a goal to reach.  I was going to find a part time job, an apartment in the Bay Area near friends, and get to work on my business plan.   A few months have gone by.  Finding the right job and a place to live have proven difficult.  For a while I was stagnant on my goal to grow my business.  What was I waiting for?  A place to live, unpacking my books and my computer, a job that I could rely on for a steady schedule.  None of that was happening. None of it. I’ve been living basically out of a suitcase for over 16 months.  My life has not been “normal” or “settled” for a long time.  I wanted to unpack so bad that that became my goal.  First unpack, then work on my business.  I got stuck.   Then I got frustrated with myself.   Why was I setting barriers in my way? Excuses. There wasn’t anything that was stopping me from getting to work except myself.

Yosemite 2016.jpg

Yosemite, CA | November, 2016

I decided to stop waiting for my ducks to be in a row.  To move past this idea of normalcy and to just push myself to start making something.   Life- is going to keep happening. Because I am still me- it will probably keep happening quite hectically.  I will hopefully find a job that will allow me to concentrate on the work that I think is important.  I will hopefully find a place to live, so I can unpack my computer and improve my workflow. So I can spend a little less time in the car and more time being productive.

“Don’t forget how important life is while you’re waiting to get it in order.”

I’m not holding my breath.   I have seen that when something matters, you find the time, you make the effort, you move on it.  You get your butt out of bed – stop snuggling with all of those pillows, Amanda, I mean it- and make a change.  One step at a time. One day at a time.  And- remember that you have friends.  Use them. They are a great help.  For encouragement, accountability, inspiration, or even just an excuse to take a break. To live life.  Don’t forget how important life is while you’re waiting to get it in order.  (HA!) Or stop worrying so much about getting it in order and embrace its chaos. Heck, I don’t know. I’m trying here.

Knowing myself, I am aware that this is not the first or the last message of self motivation that I will publish.  So thank you, for bearing with me.

All of the best,

Amanda

 

So we’re a little broken, let’s talk about how to change.

Over the past couple of years I have found myself having very similar conversations with a lot of my colleagues.  We’ve been talking about an industry that’s struggling.  An industry that grew so popular and so fast that now we are hitting some painful growth realities.   There are suddenly a lot of amazing restaurants- with no one to cook in them.  There are cooks, servers, managers, chefs, all working towards the hospitality of others; while they themselves work in an inhospitable environment.  There are staff who work incredibly physically demanding and sometimes dangerous jobs without proper healthcare.  There is a culture of abuse that only the strong are meant to survive, while we take a backwards sense of pride in the fact that this isn’t real living, this isn’t thriving.    Why should it be?  What kind of person can thrive under the abuse of their environment?   So the conversations continue. And we talk about the sustainability of our resources, the produce, the Earth’s environment, the guest.

There have been a lot of articles written about the ups and downs of the restaurant industry.  The New York TimesGrubstreetThrillistEaterFortune, etc. have all posted articles centered around the shortage of cooks.  The difficulty of keeping staff.  Why is that do you think?  Anything to do with the way we treat each other?

I don’t think there is one cut and dry problem or solution. It’s a complicated, multifaceted struggle that we are seeing happen in front of us. That we are talking about, at least.

The struggle is real.  We’re aware.

So where do I fall in this?   I find myself passionately involved in the conversation about sustainability- I agree that our resources are running scarce and that we should be concerned and start thinking about ways to cook in a way that is more responsible.   But I also find myself steering the conversation towards the idea that our staff and our environments that we work and live in are just as important a resource.   The sustainability of the restaurant as a whole is where my big picture keeps circling back to.

I’ve been lucky enough in my ten years in this industry to work with a lot of amazing people. I have learned that a place where we can collaborate and trust each other is the place that I truly feel fulfilled. The place where I know that the guy next to me- yes it is more likely that person is male- but that’s a different conversation. Anyways, if I know the guy next to me has my back when I need it and he knows that I can step up when he needs it, that’s the place I want to wake up and go to work in, every day. Shit pay or not. That community of people that cares and trusts each other is where I want to be.

I have also worked in a lot of places where there is a culture of fear, of abuse, of micro management and just plain bad or under developed leadership.   The idea that “it’s not personal” that you get yelled at or beat down is normal and expected.   That’s not where I want to be at all. And the idea that I am just going to move from job to job until I find a place where I can be fulfilled isn’t enough for me anymore.   I’ve seen too many places where this “social norm” is the reality.  It’s not where I want to be, it’s not where I want my colleagues to be.  It’s not what I would wish for my friends. Whether they are the guy yelling or getting yelled at.  That’s not thriving. That’s not sustainable.  Who wants to be scared and/or mad all of the time?

So here I am, trying to continue this conversation. Trying to do whatever I can to help fix what we’ve all at least started to acknowledge is broken.   Taking a stand for myself and my friends, because I can’t just keep trying to find something good for myself and watch the status quo remain the same for everyone else around me.   Let’s talk about it. About how to make our restaurants places where we all want to be. Where we can thrive.